Chayce Marie

8.png

Hi my name is Chayce! & I’m a survivor of heroin addiction. I feel like my past has made me learn so much. So many lessons throughout my life that have shaped me into the woman I am today. I started experimenting with alcohol & weed around 13 years old. At the time I didn’t realize I was trying mask my emotions and pain, still trying to have fun but I would quickly realize I liked being under the influence of something. I started skipping school a lot. I had very low self esteem and needed external validation to feel good about myself. In 9th grade I got diagnosed with anxiety and ADD. I got on adderall to see if it would help me with school. But I quickly learned I prefer downers. Also it made my skin breakout so bad I wouldn’t go to school sometimes because of it. So shortly after I started experimenting with ecstasy, shrooms, coke, Xanax. I realized I wanted more in life, I wasn’t happy & I needed help.

 

When I was 16 I moved to California to live with my aunt & uncle in LA to try to live a structured, more responsible life.  Even though I was surrounded by so many resources, success, love, inspiring people. I wasn’t receptive. I was lost and I didn’t know what I know now. I just didn’t have that motivation for life. I didn’t feel worthy enough. That whole year I didnt party, I didn’t skip school, I also learned to play piano. It was the most consistency I had in my life in a long time. But I wasn’t thriving like I should have been. My aunt woke me up one morning to tell me they found me a program and I’m going to go right now, There were two strangers in my room telling me I’m going in a plane. I’m in complete shock like what did I do? I thought I was doing good? I wasn’t doing drugs, I was going to school etc. but no I needed more help and to understand my walls that I had put up and my inner child wounds. So I finally found out at the airport I’m going to a wilderness program for troubled teens in Utah and I won’t be able to contact any family for 6 weeks. For the first time in my life I felt completely out of control. But little did I know those two months of living outside, hiking for miles with 80 lbs on my back, making fire with sticks, gaining a special bond with the girls who were there at the same time as me would change my life! That was once in a life time experience. I’ll forever be grateful for! I felt confident, very positive about life when I got back home but shortly after I met my first love, heroin.

 

Heroine had complete control over me. I tried to get sober many times by myself but I always went back to the drugs. I overdosed atleast 9 times, I had to be in the hospital for a week for being sepsis. My veins were starting to not be useable. I knew if I didn’t get sober that I would probably die of an overdose, I thought of my funeral quite often. I still had hope of a white picket fence type of life though. After many attempts trying to get me into a rehab , I finally went to the most amazing rehab in palm springs & I met my sons dad there and shortly after rehab we got pregnant.

 

Having my son in the middle of my heroin addiction saved my life. I really just didn’t care about myself or my life. I saw no point In anything. I just had a small glimpse of hope every time I would attempt to get sober, I had a feeling it was achievable but it just seemed so far away. So becoming pregnant I slowly started to  love myself and life. He is my little miracle baby. I will forever be grateful for the lessons my son has taught me that he doesn’t even realize yet. I gave him life but he also gave my life a purpose.